Marriage is like any other aspect of your life that requires attention and effort to progress and fulfill. Like your job, you have to show up and do what it takes in order to expect your paycheck. Like making a dinner, before you can eat or serve that dinner you have to take the effort to go out and purchase the ingredients, then prepare those items as required, and the meal itself doesn’t automatically find it ways into your stomach without attention and effort.
So what about reviving your marriage when it seems to be weak, stalled, or almost non-existent?
I would say to you the same thing that Jesus told the church in Ephesus in Revelation when He was telling them how to revive their spiritual love, and it is “repent, and do the works you did at first” (Revelation 2:5, ESV).
The same is true for marriage, you have to start by getting back to where you were at first. Get back to doing the things you did when you both first started dating. Get back to saying the things you did when you both first started dating. Get back to looking at them as you did when you both first started dating.
Talk with them. Look at them and make eye contact with them. Touch them. Touch doesn’t mean sexual activity, so stop and hug them. Tell them ‘I love you’ even if it’s just your intellectual mind speaking, because true love is not a fuzzy feeling, but a mental commitment.
That brings me to mention the 5 Love Languages, what is their love language? If they feel most loved by touch – touch them, if they feel more loved by giving them gifts – give them a gift, if they feel more loved by spending quality time with them – spend quality time with them, if they feel more loved by words that affirm them – speak words that affirm them, if they feel more loved by doing something for them – do something for them.
The message of “repent, and do the works you did at first” is good advice for your marriage if you need to rekindle the flame. There may be more needed to revive your relationship than just this, but it is a good place to start.